How do I talk to my son about death? I have to really think about this as my uncle passed away a few days ago. Not quite sure still what to write. After several days of asking friends who I respect, these are the things I have heard....
- convey the finality of death, unlike the way some video games or media portray death
- avoid euphemisms, such as the person is in a deep sleep,or has gone away for a long trip.
- some children need to talk about the practical aspects of what happens to the body, in a way they can feel comfortable with and understand, such as burial or cremation.
- children process grief differently then adults, and may seem unaffected at first, sadness and questions may arise at unexpected times, so be prepared.
- ritual is important, for adults and children, such as funerals, shivas. This can be as simple as saying some words or as complex as planning a funeral.
- read age appropriate books such as Badger's Parting Gifts, or the The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore (following the Oscar winning short film). This book, recommended by a friend, is more about legacy, but is appropriate she said during a loss, such a death.
- give yourselves time to grieve (let children see you cry, this is more useful than shielding them).
- Talk about memories, take a drive down memory lane. My family did this growing up, taking a drive to our family farm, this is something I share with my son.
- One thing that has helped for me is that my uncle has been taking us for rides to the family cemetery for as long as I can remember. Therefore, cemeteries were never scary for me.
- A friend recommended talking about the circle of life, such as discussing seasons of a tree life cycle, leaves falling, decomposing, etc. I haven't discussed this.
- Another friend discussed sharing how she discusses how grateful she is the person was here with us for so many wonderful years, and how he lives in our hearts.
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